Po-urkey to finally hit Europe

Citizens of EU member states have taken to their tidy, cobblestone, charming streets in violent uproar since the recent WTO decision that the European Union's ban on genetically modified food imports is, to quote trade panel chairperson Eirik Glenne "a half-baked, sissy cop-out." He added, "man up and eat America's unnatural, mutant goodness, Europe."

Europeans' fears, reports Reuters, were hardly assuaged. "Thanksgiving dinner is about Turkey, not crazy mutant, half-swine, half-bird Po-urkeys!" declared one resident of Eindoven, Holland. Reminded that the Dutch do not have Thanksgiving, he refused to recant, muttering something in a hardly intelligible accent about "the principle of the thing."

Several residents of Aachen, Germany took to their city's almost absurdly tidy and charming square and set themselves ablaze.

In light of such pure, righteous emotion, one can be forgiven for thinking that Europeans' opinions about so-called "Frankenstein-food" are unlikely to change as a result of soon-to-be-opened markets. Pundits speculate that this may have something remotely to do with the fact that European media outlets are consistent in referring to genetically modified products as "Frankenstein-food."

U.S. scientists, such as Thomas R. DeGregori of the University of Houston, who have calmly attempted to explain the benefits of gene technology in food products have had their visas to France, Luxembourg, and Portugal revoked. Other member states vow to follow suit. The charming French-Alp resort community of Annecy has temporarily parted from its otherwise peaceful history and issued a shoot-on-sight ordinance against such scientists.